to be continued

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i have never felt comfortable with disagreeing. i never liked the defensive reaction that i got from the other person when disagreeing so rather than voicing my true heartfelt opinion i usually could just see where the person was coming from and so agree. everyone thinks i am so sweet and lovely for that reason. but i would rather be recognised as darling for the true nature of that characteristic: i am caring, kind, a good listener and patient, not a wall flower. recently agreeing and not saying what i really feel has started to cause physical tension and feel horrible. it’s time to start speaking from the heart, including with people i consider friends. 

 

the universe is playing a little game with me, testing how ready i am for a man in my life. i am positive. the universe is watching my reaction to the opportunities that i am being presented-men. near me. making eye contact and checking me out. the one in yoga class tonight. there was a perfect moment to saying anything to him, just the two of us left in the studio, him tying up his mat me rolling mine up. facing each other with only a metre between us and not a single word escaped my mouth and not a single impulse over came me. i just continued going about my business hoping that he would say something. ah well. everything has it’s moment. one thing i did feel after was unfriendly. it seemed like in that silence at least a ciao, or how do you feel after the class might have been appropriate. so again a lesson or two gained: who is the judge of appropriate, you do not always have to empathise (see above). i was in that moment living my true feelings. regardless a friendly ciao would have lightened the atmosphere and felt good as well. (also may have opened the doors to a new friendship)

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