Monthly Archives: March 2014

mantra 1

Standard

don’t let life piss you off, take the piss out of life!

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Aside

the man i want to be in a relationship with is:

  • responsible
  • humble
  • caring/tender
  • honest and sincere
  • masculine
  • fun and adventurous
  • has got courage
  • is generally happy
  • likes to smile
  • conscientious
  • a healthy person
  • a non smoker/not a drug addict
  • someone who wants a committed relationship
  • someone who wants to have children
  • creative and passionate
  • is a (good) lover
  • working and earning good money
  • curious about life
  • a good communicator
  • hairier than me! (but not a beast!)
  • taller than me
  • someone who nurtures me
  • in the same country as me
  • at least part latino (Spanish counts)
  • fairly balanced
  • is not a shallow person (sees beyond varicose veins and wrinkles!)
  • good in bed
  • open and willing to evolve into a tantric lover with me
  • not possessive but appreciates and adores me
  • is respectful
  • a good listener
  • connected to his essence
  • someone who will respect and honour my energies
  • someone who will give their energy for my good in return
  • someone who occasionally enjoys philosophical conversations
  • someone who will respect and honour me
  • someone who is not defensive
  • someone who would be willing to relocate countries with me
  • someone who will respect and honour my friends and family
  • someone who is not controlled by anyone (your family, ex  etc)
  • an individual
  • someone who challenges me to be my version of myself
  • someone who recognises me
  • someone who has a warm country home
  • practical
  • someone who ideally has a vehicle!

manifesto of the man/lover i want.

Aside

isn’t it weird how time stand still with some people?

parents for example. i watch mine grow older but when i am with them i have not aged i am still that little girl, no grey hairs, wisdom slips away and we fall gently into our roles and there i remain frozen in time with them. even from a distance when i look at myself in the mirror and think of them i see a girl, i almost see myself through their parental eyes and when i look in the mirror and focus on myself i see the woman i am and have yet to become, an image they will appreciate but, i think, never choose to hold. 

i love those frozen moments in time. i love the tsunami just before things start to work out and you realise all that hassle was leading to something so ridiculously wonderful it should have been so obvious but at the time you bailed and swallowed gallons of salty water. then when the seas are calm again, the sun is rising, and there is a future on the horizon you think it’s not about the destination it’s the journey that counts and you think you have it all figured out until another storm hits. but each storm cleanses you and puts you back on your path. 

it’s been 6 years since i went home to canada. i have no idea (and at the same time every idea) how that happened. it’s time to go home. touch base and feel my roots again. the strange and partially difficult part is being who i’ve become because home is frozen in time for me. 6 years ago i was someone else just like for my parents i am still their baby girl. starting new relationships with family is bizarre. it’s almost like meeting them for the first time…. 

lover

Standard

i want love. but first i want a lover. i want to spend days in bed laughing, cuddle, making love and living out fantasies with my lover. i want a man who adores me but not from a place of selfish ulterior motives or manipulation, from a place within his heart and soul. i want a man who looks at me like there is nothing else equal on this planet. a look of you rock every part of my being. one of every experience with you is new. i want a lover who communicates from truth, always. who is clear and sincere. i want a lover who is a man, who knows himself what he likes and wants and who has the courage to be 100% honest with himself and me all the time. i want a patient lover who does not rush in life and who won’t rush passion. i want a lover who understands that taking your time is erotic and reaps far more benefits than rushing to finish and get to the next thing. i want to lie next to my lover and read erotic literature. i want a lover who can be silly with me, and romantic and strong. i want a lover who can accept my highs and lows. i want a lover who understands that real connection is via the heart not knowing where is someone is at all times or whatapps. i want a lover who possesses me but knows he does not own me. i want a lover who is available but has his own life, dreams, desires that he fulfils as well. i want a lover who is kind, generous and open and has the courage to be that way without feeling threatened by a relationship or love. i want a lover to have romantic dinners with. to lie on the beach with. to contemplate life with. to feel distance with and to feel close with. i want a lover to go on cheeky weekend get-aways with. to fuck and to make deep passionate love to. i want a lover to tell my fantasies to and to live them out with. i want a lover who appreciates a womans body, mind, energy and soul and who knows that when he is vulnerable, generous and open he receives. i want a lover to cook with. to have sunday brunch with and lazy days with. i want a lover to miss and to anticipate. i want a lover to learn and discover with. i want a poetic lasting love affair that grows and evolves. i want a lover who is not a sociopath faking all of this but who is a real human being with great awareness and heart who desires the same pure, passionate and erotic connection as i do without fear of losing independence. i want a lover that is present enough to understand that i won’t suffocate him. i want a lover who is intense but soft and patient. i want a lover who feels like he can’t live without me, who  misses me but who is intelligent enough to fulfil his life in many other ways. i want a lover who loves to touch, caress and kiss me and who finds hours to waste doing so. i want a lover that savours life. i want a lover who has a well paid job and who appreciates having me on his arms. i want a lover who can open up and share his emotions with me but not to complain and treat me as a sounding board but because he appreciates my feedback or the way i  listen. i want a lover who listens too. i want a lover who will bring 5L bezoya water when he comes because he knows it’s a shag carrying it up 5 flights of stairs. i want a lover who is cooking when i get home or who has a bottle of wine open and pours me a glass when i arrive. i want a lover who will share his heart enough that we are close and connected. i want a lover who  makes surprise plans for us. i want a lover who is willing to observe, listen and learn about me.  i want a lover who is exceptional in all these ways and who sees that i am as well.

for the moment i don’t need to know his friends, or family. i don’t want a project with him, a joint account or a house together. i don’t want to talk about the future either. i just want to live in the present with him and make every moment count.