Monthly Archives: April 2014

Caco

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life situations are made complicated by the contents of our heads, lack of communication and feelings getting in the way. oh and then there is the ego!

I was in a thing with a guy called Carlos Santana!!

Caco and I met via Tinder while he was visiting Barcelona from Brazil. We only had two nights together but there was enough connection there to continue communication after he left. I was getting ready to purchase flights to see him in Cannes in June but things just turned realistic and we are done!

A few things I have learned from this are:

  • complex communication does not work via text messages. we tend to text in a rush or when we are doing other things and the conversation gets convoluted. words and intentions are easily misunderstood and it complicates the situation.
  • long distance relationships are not realistic. they require so much work, determination and attention, like any relationship but 100 times more. also, a relationship cannot strive without the release of oxytocin (as far as I’m concerned) and for that you need human contact.
  • when you feel that the other person is not as invested in the relationship as you, it is because they aren’t. NEVER question or doubt that feeling.
  • communication in relationships is KEY. the minute one person starts to have doubts or assumes things and does not communicate it complicates everything.
  • clear and concise dialogue and thinking are necessary to maintain a relationship. you really need to know someone, how they communicate, their sense of humour and triggers before you can trust how they will react to you. so much is misunderstood and when feelings and egos get in the way, so much is also taken too personally.
  • patience is KEY.
  • men get so confused about everything!
  • be in the moment and let it pass as soon as it is done especially when it comes to discussions.
  • don’t blame the other person for the confusion, negativity, twisted perspective or bullshit going on in your head!
  • never assume you know the other person based on gender generalisations ie. he’s a man so he is reacting this way and saying that.
  • stay grounded and true to yourself.
  • never ignore the internal whispers.
  • let emotions dissolve as quickly as they rise.

    Caco is the first man that I’ve met who does not hesitate to speak his mind, say sorry or explain his feelings and the situation. He was honest and sincere (as far as I could tell), which is what attracted me to him.

    I feel relieved that it’s over because I could feel myself getting too attached to a potential, a hope, a concept and it was actually beginning to effect me daily-waiting with anticipation to hear from him but I am a bit sad because he really had all the good qualities I want in a man and that make it so difficult to find one!

    I feel lighter today. He is not the one but has brought me closer to finding him and understanding human dynamics as well as appreciating what you have, not wanting what you don’t and always expecting more.

my own insecurities and impatience

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learn missy that if you are going to trust you must trust fully and that what you are trusting is the universe, is that everything that is happening or not is as it must be. yesterday when I saw C appear on FB and whatsapp after telling me that he was going away for four days to a place that had no Wifi I became overwhelmed with the feeling of being lied to. not knowing him so well and having no real connection to him other than FB, whatsapp and two conversations since i met him and he went back to brazil i thought the worst, felt emotional and unfriended him in FB. i did it in an attempt to remove the view of his life from me. i felt like with him being so far i didn’t want these negative feelings and thoughts disturbing me and without a way (FB) to contradict what he says to me i would not have them. well later i regretted it because he called me and explained to me that he’d stayed home because he wasn’t feeling well. 

i think more than anything the lesson here is not to be so attached to something. not to be waiting an expecting something. not to be hanging on everything someone says or does because plans change, things change and i have no control over any of it. if i hadn’t been so bent out of shape about not hearing from him the day before I would not have FB stalked him. i was looking for any sign from him that he might be thinking about me. ego. in vain. i let myself drive myself crazy and for nothing. i know it’s wasted energy. 

i want to believe that this will unravel as it must and is destined to. i know that i can’t force anything and the more i let the distance bother me the more i am likely to fuck up the nice situation it is right now. i also know that more serious i take it all the less fun it gets because i become too hung up on hope. 

so far he has kept true to his word every time. there is nothing to dispute in that. just let it be and become…

the sufi life

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energies do not move in linear lines, energies are interchangeable they need to swirl and transform to continue. we are made up of energy. linear lines will eventually cause anarchy in your mind, body and soul. i believe it is part of our nature to move in swirls and circles and hoops. we have life cycles that respect the motion of energy. we must align ourselves and embrace change in our lives and respect the necessity for it. linear is an old school societal pattern. go to school, go to university, graduate, get a job in your profession, have kids, retire, die. we have to change, evolve and change again to be on our true life path. change is like another hoop being given to you by life that you are destined to swirl for a while until you get close enough to the next hoop to catch it…..if you can see these hoops coming and are brave enough to catch them i believe you will be sustained and never loose sight of your mission. 

red moon eclipse

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my manifestation of projects and ideas. this is what i want to accomplish. this is who i want to become professionally. 

  • i will be a very busy doula, based on good reputation and word of mouth- 2-3 paying clients per month

  • i will do another teacher training for yoga, starting at the end of this month with prenatal. 

  • i will improve my knowledge of yoga, pregnancy and postpartum

  • i will connect to universal and innate wisdom, my true self and share that in my classes-the yoga is not just about energies and asana technique

  • i will maintain all of my yoga classes full always 

  • i want to study and learn sanskrit for yoga and philosophy

  • i will read more about the philosophy of yoga also about anatomy

  • i will take anatomy courses

  • i would like to start a prenatal and postpartum bakery where people can come to stay healthy, get advice, meet other professionals and do yoga also leave their kids 

  • i will do a another personal development and training course: either photography, shiatsu, massage, homeopathy or all of them!

  • i want to start a school based on yogic philosophy and the waldorf education method 

     

    professionally these are my goals. 

    i would also like to learn to play and instrument, the cello.