my own insecurities and impatience


learn missy that if you are going to trust you must trust fully and that what you are trusting is the universe, is that everything that is happening or not is as it must be. yesterday when I saw C appear on FB and whatsapp after telling me that he was going away for four days to a place that had no Wifi I became overwhelmed with the feeling of being lied to. not knowing him so well and having no real connection to him other than FB, whatsapp and two conversations since i met him and he went back to brazil i thought the worst, felt emotional and unfriended him in FB. i did it in an attempt to remove the view of his life from me. i felt like with him being so far i didn’t want these negative feelings and thoughts disturbing me and without a way (FB) to contradict what he says to me i would not have them. well later i regretted it because he called me and explained to me that he’d stayed home because he wasn’t feeling well. 

i think more than anything the lesson here is not to be so attached to something. not to be waiting an expecting something. not to be hanging on everything someone says or does because plans change, things change and i have no control over any of it. if i hadn’t been so bent out of shape about not hearing from him the day before I would not have FB stalked him. i was looking for any sign from him that he might be thinking about me. ego. in vain. i let myself drive myself crazy and for nothing. i know it’s wasted energy. 

i want to believe that this will unravel as it must and is destined to. i know that i can’t force anything and the more i let the distance bother me the more i am likely to fuck up the nice situation it is right now. i also know that more serious i take it all the less fun it gets because i become too hung up on hope. 

so far he has kept true to his word every time. there is nothing to dispute in that. just let it be and become…

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