life situations are made complicated by the contents of our heads, lack of communication and feelings getting in the way. oh and then there is the ego!
I was in a thing with a guy called Carlos Santana!!
Caco and I met via Tinder while he was visiting Barcelona from Brazil. We only had two nights together but there was enough connection there to continue communication after he left. I was getting ready to purchase flights to see him in Cannes in June but things just turned realistic and we are done!
A few things I have learned from this are:
- complex communication does not work via text messages. we tend to text in a rush or when we are doing other things and the conversation gets convoluted. words and intentions are easily misunderstood and it complicates the situation.
- long distance relationships are not realistic. they require so much work, determination and attention, like any relationship but 100 times more. also, a relationship cannot strive without the release of oxytocin (as far as I’m concerned) and for that you need human contact.
- when you feel that the other person is not as invested in the relationship as you, it is because they aren’t. NEVER question or doubt that feeling.
- communication in relationships is KEY. the minute one person starts to have doubts or assumes things and does not communicate it complicates everything.
- clear and concise dialogue and thinking are necessary to maintain a relationship. you really need to know someone, how they communicate, their sense of humour and triggers before you can trust how they will react to you. so much is misunderstood and when feelings and egos get in the way, so much is also taken too personally.
- patience is KEY.
- men get so confused about everything!
- be in the moment and let it pass as soon as it is done especially when it comes to discussions.
- don’t blame the other person for the confusion, negativity, twisted perspective or bullshit going on in your head!
- never assume you know the other person based on gender generalisations ie. he’s a man so he is reacting this way and saying that.
- stay grounded and true to yourself.
- never ignore the internal whispers.
- let emotions dissolve as quickly as they rise.
Caco is the first man that I’ve met who does not hesitate to speak his mind, say sorry or explain his feelings and the situation. He was honest and sincere (as far as I could tell), which is what attracted me to him.
I feel relieved that it’s over because I could feel myself getting too attached to a potential, a hope, a concept and it was actually beginning to effect me daily-waiting with anticipation to hear from him but I am a bit sad because he really had all the good qualities I want in a man and that make it so difficult to find one!
I feel lighter today. He is not the one but has brought me closer to finding him and understanding human dynamics as well as appreciating what you have, not wanting what you don’t and always expecting more.