every time i go to the dentist it raises feelings of resentment that i have towards my parents. i always come out wanting to cry. i get home and i cry. the resentment starts when i have to pay because i never have the money for it or as soon as i save a little extra i have to have something done in my mouth and it disappears.
the resentment is:
- that they never got more on my case about taking care of my teeth or anything else which leaves me feeling like they just didn’t care even though i know they did/do care, it was more a question of they didn’t have the energy and too often let me win the fight-or at least this is how i feel
- my mother is too damn lazy to be bothered with anything. her laissez faire attitude goes beyond means she puts very little effort into anything that takes effort, including thinking, she just brushes everything off rather than for instance, insisting on my hygiene.
- my father treats me too much like a child. he tries to make up now for what he feels like he didn’t do right when i was growing up, always giving me outdated advice rather than seeing me as an adult and having an adult to adult conversation with me.
- my mother is cynical and quite nasty at times, but only behind peoples back especially my families.
- once a week on skype when we speak i receive a barrage of questions and not much in return, then my father always says “don’t forget to keep in touch Amy”.
- my mother constantly treats my father like dirt, as if he is below her, she seems to belittle him but doesn’t stand for anything herself no real conviction for anything just envy/jealousy
- my father has never stood up for himself. he cowers and is stepped all over.
- my mother is defensive and childish.
- they never saved any money for me. always forced me to accept them paying for dinners, or drinks but never thought to conserve the money and put it away and give it to me in a big chunk and now when it comes to saving it or having to spend it on the dentist when i could use it to travel i cry and resent.
i am working on changing my karma with money.
this is resentment and blame. i blame them for my shitty teeth and for my financial situation and having to struggle to make ends meet. none of it is their fault but it just all feels so difficult today and often.
i am working on changing my karma and perspective about this as well.