today i realised that Caco unblocked a certain acceptance of myself within me. when he said that he appreciated all shapes and sizes of women, that a chubbier woman was known as a “gordelicia” to him and that his voluptuous double base was Marta a gordelicia it flicked a switch in me that said allow yourself and ever since i feel my body is in it’s most natural state ever-unconditionally appreciated by me just as it is.
i finally appreciate myself. i am not trying to change or improve anything just take care of it. love it and care for it.
now that i can appreciate myself fully, it’s time to do the same for my parents. it’s time to accept and love them unconditionally, without judgement and fully.
i finally get that feeling of i am with you but only until the one i would rather truly be with comes along. the you do not fit the mould but i am making an exception feeling. we all have our type deep down. he probably looks and feels kinda similar to the last one that broke, stole or opened your heart and no one can change that. you liked the way he felt under your touch, in your arms, beneath your lips and between your legs. you miss all those stupid little habits that you hated so much but adored about him. you loved the way he moved in his body and spoke his mind and every extra hair that he had on his body was just right. his hands moved so poetically and his soft femininity turned you on when his hairy chubby round body made love to you like a man.
and despite your eager scanning wherever you go, you can’t seem to find a replacement for your perfect human fit.
you can tell a lot about a person by how rigid their body is.
today during relaxation i watched the 5 pregnant women before me as i reflected on the practice they had just finished and the class i gave them and as i did this it occurred to me that so many people are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
layers and layers of emotions that are locked into the body and have become rock solid where once there was soft innocence. it is difficult for the breath to reach these boulders because the pathways that take it there are blocked as well and so the problem perpetuates. From just one tiny toxic seed the entire internal body can close in on itself shutting down the enjoyable feeling of lightness. When the windows and blinds are shut air does not enter, energy is stagnant and the sun cannot shine.
when my muscles are relaxed they slide around my bones and fall into their natural state like a shirt coming off the hanger to land on the floor in a natural pile of folds and creases.
an uncontrolled mind is a masocistic master of manipulation, games and brick laying.
it is always such a shock to encounter that unbudging hardness in a student in class, especially a pregnant one. at a time when a women is most feminine and connected with her goddess how can she carry such hardness, why? i always find that women look so soft and supple during pregnancy, it appears they really become their feminine self.
is it these women that are hardened that will prosper more in birth whereas the sensitive ones will tend to fall quicker?