our connections and relationships with other people are like elastics-they stretch and bend but as long as they are not forced they do not break. I think in letting go we must stop pulling the elastic and allow the stretch between two people.Once connected I don’t think the other person is ever really that far despite physical distances but if we pull the elastic too hard it is in danger of either snapping or releasing and being catapulted even farther.
If we can let go of all that we hold onto in our minds (how a relationship should be, wanting someone so desperately, seeking out a person and inventing situations or excuses to be around them) then we are brought together at ideal moments and we are called by this person in our heart. I know that when I suddenly think of an old friend, ex or family member out of the blue it is for a reason, I am being called to them for something and for me is the signal to contact them. When chasing someone I don’t hear these signals because they don’t exist because I have’t given them a chance to, I am trying to force something-like pulling the elastic.
I prefer serendipity, there is so much more truth in it.


Recently I had two different one night stands. One with a boy of about 26-27. A real stallion but very inexperienced in the sack. He was either too shy or too young to to fully understand a women and appreciate her body. Sex seemed to be a display of strength and endurance for him and there was no real connection between our two bodies a part from his member!
I felt dumpy, clumsy and for the first time (since Stu) self conscious in bed with him. As he was “performing” I did not know how to be, it felt very displaced and although he did the kama sutra with me I was left unsatisfied.
Boys like this need a dominatrix to show them how. For me this would have been an opportunity to connect to my sexuality not in a traditional manner through connection but by dominating and controlling the situation and him. Lesson learned, I’m ready for the next one!

On the second occasion I was with a man of 42. He adored every part of me especially my womanhood. He spend a lot of time showing and telling me how much he adore every inch of my body which completely put me at ease physically and mentally and so I could enjoy myself fully. Between true masculine and feminine energies in the bed things just flow. Rather than sex or fucking it is more of a sensual dance and what I receive I often want to return and so the night lasts longer and I am always left with sweet craving, desired and satisfied.
With this type of affair things simply unravel more naturally moment to moment as two people are completely vulnerable but comfortable at the same time.


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