I went to see this talk tonight given by Annie Lalla called the leadership of love. Everything she said made sense! I love her! It was interesting to look around the audience and see people shaking their heads at certain comments, I wondered how many people in that auditorium would actually understand and apply her methods.
Bottom line, it takes work but according to her it is the best work there is. She reckons love is the best experience we can have and that it really does complete us. I was hurt by this theory because haven’t had an intimate partner in a long time but I want one and listening to Annie raised some good points to reflect on. Apparently if after working on finding love in earnest after three months you do not have it there is a fundamental block/fear stopping you from allowing it in.
I reflected on this: I’m afraid to expose to somebody else the things about myself that I find unattractive. I feel almost ashamed of them and therefor don’t accept myself fully but somehow expect someone else to! Those things are: my skin imperfections, spider veins, missing tooth, big legs. I guess I thought I loved myself but writing this I clearly don’t fully but I really want somebody else to! So here is what I feel I need to do to really love me wholly and attract a man into my life who will accept all those things about me that I wish were different:
- wearing more fitting pants and not covering my ass with a long shirt!
Today going to yoga class in leggings and not covering my ass with a long shirt for the first time was liberating-the teacher was divine but I didn’t care. Once I started to move my body I felt pretty awesome hot!
- go to yoga more
- go to salsa and ecstatic dance more, in fitting clothing or short skirts
- get back to smiling more (now that my tooth implant is underway) 🙂
- laugh more
- find ways everyday to pamper the parts of me I wish were different
- start believing (again) that love and a relationship CAN happen to ME.
- learn to accept as my rich history and tapestry the things about my physical body I wish were different.
Annie also pointed out that a relationship is the best place to see who you really are, which is why some many people avoid them!
I loved her tips on how she keeps the marriage spark alive: she finds ways to love her husbands defects, “have sex, always, even if you’re too tired-it’s always good within 5 minutes!!”
- “a relationship is a collaboration, you should be fully involved in each others lives and supporting them always”, be a team
This occurred this afternoon, later (coincidentally) after writing the following text I came across the article on the link:
I am working on being true to my commitments-I intend to stick to what I say I will due. Part of this new year deal with myself is to remain committed to all plans/dates/activities I put into my calendar on my phone-once it is in I am not allowed to bail without good reason.
So this morning I accepted Kathy’s dinner invite and offered to bring the wine. I was looking forward to it all day. I have only known Kathy since last week but she has kindly opened her home to me to stay for a week in exchange for something. However later in the day April, at the last minute, sent out a reminder about the Doula Session at 19h and who could join? She then texted to ask me, apparently nobody was responding or could make it.
If felt a sense of duty to both people. In the case of April (whom I work for) I felt a sense of professional duty and also a necessity to support a Doula sister however I did not want to begin my relationship with Kathy cancelling our dinner. In the end I chose to stick to my original commitment rationalising that I cannot change my life/plans at the drop of a hat every time someone needs me at the last minute-this is not a pattern I want to get into nor is it fair. I think if I am going to stick to my commitments there cannot be too much room for change because I prefer one option over the other hence to avoid this I have made a strong intention to remain committed once I have accepted or agreed to an offer.
However I was left with a quandary: did I make the right decision yesterday?
Technically I know Kathy would have understood and I could have supported a Doula sister who didn’t have anyone else’s help-she was really stranded and I was given an opportunity to prove myself and shine where I have been asking to. It was really a one time opportunity to go the distance for someone in need. I think I made a mistake! That said because I was at work until 18h yesterday I would not have arrived until after 19h30-a bit late.